Who a person is at 10 is a very good indication of who they are. Whether or not they continue to remain themselves depends on how largely the world (parents, teachers, society, husbands, wives etc) changes them. But a 10 year old is old enough to understand a lot of things but still young enough to believe them. The many judgments one faces in life will eventually build up and, if one isn't careful, will change them.

I've had the good fortune of spending most of my life being unaware of judgments. I credit this for a lot of my success and ability to try things - I didn't know what was right, proper or wrong. But since living in America, I've become more aware because people talk more about it and the judgments seem harsher. There seems, from my experience, less acceptance of things that are different and I've always been a little different.

Once aware of a lot of judgments put on me for my choices (and I don't think I've ever been so judged than by being a writer/artist) I began to stand on shaky ground. I started to do less of the things I liked and more of the things I didn't - all completely unconscious. The judgments came at me from everywhere; there were message boards dedicated to hating this site and to me. There were people I'd meet on the street who'd make remarks. There were family and friends and co-workers who had opinions about who I was and what I was doing. I was often asked when I'd "get serious" about things or when I'd work regular hours (this is an issue for so many people since I tend to work "Gentleman's Hours" - 10PM until sunrise). People were often bothered by my choices or habits - even if it didn't affect them. The mere fact that I might be different caused issues and people wouldn't know how to talk to me or deal with me. Oh, it didn't matter that I made money or I was happy. In fact, the more successful I became financially and personally the more people thought I should change and conform. It's as though it bothered them that my way worked. "Being grown up" or "Responsible" seemed, for a lot of people, to be the same as "unhappy" or "ordinary" or "routine." It's that old saying, misery loves company. They didn't want to be alone and eventually, either did I.

So I gave in at some point and my life went on auto-pilot, it became routine, it became mundane and I became less excited about the every day. But what is interesting is, during this time, I won a lot of praise, people said my life was exciting, people acknowledged me, I became a "something" who had "credentials." I was serious - I was grown up!

And my art, my life, my soul, well it suffered because I was no longer myself. Nothing feels or works right if you're removed from yourself. It doesn't matter what others say, you'll know. You'll know. Maybe not right away but eventually. When you're not true to who you are, you make a very terrible someone else.

It took me several months to figure it out and as soon as I did I stopped doing things that I didn't like doing. I stopped trying to fit a mold or listen to others. I really encourage you to look at the source of information you're given. If someone is trying to tell you how to have a happy life but they don't really have it (this is especially true of creative/self-help writers who write book after book on how to be happy and live juicy but whose personal life never matches it; they don't have friendships, they're bitchy, alone or always in the same place) don't listen to them. If a poor person is trying to tell you how to build wealth, don't listen. If a person doesn't have it together is giving you relationship advice - run. Just don't take others words on how to live - listen to yourself. You know what makes sense. You know what works for you. Take inspiration but don't take it all as fact. Because chances are, they're removed from themselves, regurgitating information they were told works from people who didn't want to be different or didn't have the courage to be themselves.

I was watching the movie Fairy Tale: A True Story tonight which, I confess, has charmed since it first came out. But tonight it had a little message.

One of the young girls, age 8, says to her friend, "I know what it's like to be a grown-up. It's when you don't feel like yourself anymore."

How true is that? How true is that for you?

Oh, I understand that we can't play around all day like we used to. I'm not suggesting one retreats into being a kid, start collecting dolls, wishing for ponies, or dressing like a teenager. That's not authentic for any adult and is just an extreme behaviour that one would create to avoid reality. And the reality is that, as an adult, there are bills to pay, a living to be made, appointments to be kept, groceries to be bought and so on. But, just like one shouldn't go to the extreme of being all childlike and hiding from the world, one shouldn't go to the other extreme of being so grown up and hiding from the world either. Change doesn't have to be dramatic - it just has to be authentic.

Besides, I like being the age I am; I like being able to choose where I go or buying things without permission. I love to talk tech or politics. I enjoy learning, I enjoy challenges, I enjoy the freedom I have based on all of my experiences. But at the same time I love how I can be open, childlike, and hopeful like my 10 year old self. A girl who finds beauty in things, who gets overly excited at tiny things, who waits for birthdays and Christmas and creates without care. Who doesn't worry of what others think because she isn't aware - all she's aware of is what is fun and what is not. It is this 10 year old self that makes the 32 year old self work.

If I've learned anything over the past 5 years at this creative life is that in order to have success - real success - it must be authentic. What you do must come from the heart. You must be true to who you are and be confident in it - even if others try to knock you down, tell you it's wrong, or make you be "responsible." They're just afraid. There's no reason for you to be, however.

One must be to become. You must be yourself. Think about who you were at 10 - what dreams you had, what beliefs you had and see if there's a way to balance that with what the world demands of you now. Can you play, a little? Can you love without fear? Can you try without worrying about failing? Can you create until the sun goes down or soak up every minute of the day? Can you believe? Can you?