You see, yesterday a man fell asleep at the wheel of his truck, hit a mini van which hit a Saab which hit me. It was a pretty hard impact which jolted me forward and shocked my system. One of the amazing things about this was there was open parking all along the road in which we were hit (if you lived in LA, you'd know this is amazing). We all pulled over but everyone stayed in their car, on their phones. I got why.

There's an unwritten code that says: don't talk to anyone, don't help, don't get in a situation, cover your own ass. I've seen this before as I've been witness to several accidents and even found a woman collapsed in a bathroom in a busy convention centre that people literally walked over for 20 minutes. I'd been the only one to stop to help her. I couldn't understand how people could just keep to themselves in situations like that until I realised I'd isolated myself from so many things over the past year. Partly due to being unconscious about it and partly out of fear. Fear of being hurt, of being let down, of being used, of not knowing what to do and so forth.

But the experiences I've had the past couple of weeks helped me to realise that for me, being isolated does not work. Being afraid does not work. That I cannot wait for answers from above or fate to hand me life - I have to choose what to do based on what I want. And I want to connect and be of use most of all.

So I decided to connect and be of use in this four car pile-up and made my way to each car simply asking, "Are you OK?"

I made my way to the last vehicle - the van which was hit directly - and saw that there were three children about 8, 10 and 11, two teenage girls, two parents and one of the parents sister. I asked if they were all right and the one woman in broken English told me that her sister was slightly hurt, maybe whiplash. I asked if they'd called the police and they said they had so I encouraged the woman to just stay in the car.

The back of the van was completely smashed in, the back window missing and three small children looked at me from the back seat. They were scared, eyes wide open, not sure what was going on. "That was a pretty big bang, wasn't it?" I asked. They nodded. "I heard it all the way from where I was - two cars ahead. It must have been very scary for you." Again, they nodded. I kept talking to them about what had happened and they slowly began to talk back, releasing some fear and relaxing a bit. There was a young guy who hit me and I walked over to get his contact info. Then I went to the driver who hit us all and got his info. That's when he told me he dozed off. I asked him if it was because he was sleepy or if he was on something. He didn't want to answer so I said, "you didn't do this to yourself, you know. You hit a large family and two other cars. We're all here because of you." He just looked at me. It's hard to live in LA and imagine having an affect on anyone else.

I kept checking on the family to make sure they were OK. The man of the van had broken English and seemed uneasy about approaching the two other white men so I kept giving him their info. After awhile a policeman showed up and started talking to all the white people first. It was just so out of Crash it wasn't even funny. He was checking on the cars instead of on the family so I had to point out to the officer that the woman was hurt inside. He asked if she wanted an ambulance or if she'd be OK but he wasn't really invested in helping her and I think she sensed this and resisted going to the doctor. When the police officer talked about what to do he ignored the most important person - the one who had been hit. So I helped the man understand what was going on instead.

While more information was passed around, I talked to the kids. It was close to 90F and on a sunny sidewalk, midday, we were all a little uncomfortable. Sometimes, a little laughter can make things easier. I learned that the two teenage girls and their mother had arrived yesterday from North Carolina for their first trip to California. They'd driven in from Medesto earlier that morning (about a 3 hour drive). They were all in town for their first LA visit, wanting to see the Hollywood sign and the beach. I told them about my trip to North Carolina which surprised them, I told them about how my hair did poorly in humidity there which did not surprise them. I told them a few secrets about LA so they could still get some things done and things that not everyone could do. And we laughed, quite a bit actually.

Then the wife of the man with the van came over and said her sister was doing worse. My car, except for a few scratches, was perfectly fine. I said I can take four of them to the hospital which was just a couple of minutes away. Wouldn't I mind? They asked. Of course not, I said. So the women packed into my car and off we were.

They hadn't been to a hospital before and didn't know what to say or do. I gave them advice, I told them were to go and as I dropped them off and watched them walk away, the little girl turned and with a big grin, waved to me. That very personal "I see you" wave.

I returned to the crash site to see how the men were all doing. Things had finished up then and I gave directions to the man with the van. As he got into his car he thanked me very much and, just before hopping in, the little boys turned around and with a big grin, waved to me. That very personal, "Thank you" wave.

Because I was not at fault and because I was the 3rd in line to be hit and did not have anyone in front nor did I have any damage to my car, I could have just driven off. I could have just left right away after I got the documentation. I could have sat in my car until the police came and said, "it is everyone else's problem." And perhaps a month ago I would have.

But that is where I think choice and "the universe" come into place. I made a choice to start connecting to people again - without question. I made a choice to start being of use to people - without question. I made a choice to wake up every day and do what I can even if at 9AM I have no idea what that is. And the universe responded with a test to see if I really could. This, for me, is a way to balance both ideas without giving too much influence to one of the other. Because sometimes, I think, you have to make choices but sometimes, you have to let go of control, too.

I like the idea off making choices and I like the idea of them being supported. I like the idea of not just believing in something, but taking action to back it up.

July 9, 2006 | Link to this | Filed in Everyday Play