When I first began the transformation into a company, it was all about me, me, me as I had felt the four years previous as a solitary writer had completely drained me. It was a one woman show that left me with no buffer from all the people who wanted things from me; from the 200+ emails a day from people wanting advice, to editors wanting stories, to reporters wanting interviews and people just wanting to know me to see where it could get them and other authors who wanted to steal my work (and often did). By the time I decided to stop writing full-time in 2004, I felt that my life had belonged to others; that I gave and gave and gave but hadn't been replenished.
Although all my work had always generated a lot of success and attention, I was never really satisfied because I felt often used, tired, drained, not fun and without passion. I didn't want to make that mistake again because I wanted to do something that energised and made me feel as good as the viewer. When I decided to change direction and create a company, all I could think about was how this time I wouldn't give everything away, I would get to be in charge, I would just do fun things and not worry so much about others and if my content had substance and that everything was real. Besides, I had worked so hard for so long that I just wanted to rebel against all that I had done and instead just have some fun without worrying about what it would all mean. I began a few projects just because they sounded like fun to me - something I desperately needed.
The projects were based on good ideas, some great content and were generating lots of interest. However after awhile of working on these projects I stepped back. I looked at what I was doing only to realise I wasn't really doing anything and that nothing could really come from my current projects because I didn't have a solid reason behind any of it. I was running so far from where I had begun that I went to the opposite side which is just the same situation flipped. It was then I understood that my work had to have balance between giving and receiving because without balance, there could be no success. I began to write down things that were important to me; helping people make the ordinary extraordinary, being useful, being creative, having freedom to do what I want, making money at what I love to do, enjoying life, having fun, helping others live their potential while I strive for mine, creating community, being authentic, cultivating success, doing work that matters. And when I looked at these values and compared them with the direction I was going in, I realised I wanted to keep on the same journey, but I had to take a different road. If I didn't, I would end up like before when I was a full-time writer; having success outwardly, but not from within. All the values had to be met to have full success. Balance.
By bringing my values into my projects, my projects began to change. I began to feel more connected, more excited, and a lot more energised. I began to meet with new people who were on the same vibe and their energy brought new life into the projects and helped me look at things differently. It made me think about more projects I want to do, movies that I'll produce down the road and books that will come out soon enough. Knowing what my reasons were for running a company helped eliminate a lot of self-doubt and fears. Fears such as success, enjoyment, being fluff, having too much fun and cultivating wealth. That last fear was lingering around because it was hard for me to fathom making a lot of money by just doing what I loved. Although I had made a great income as a writer and artist, I knew I could do more but felt perhaps that was wrong somehow; that making bazillions was evil, arrogant and just plain wrong. But I've realised it's not if it's made by the values one has and if the getting is balanced by the receiving.
I had once read about this idea in the book The Ten Percent Solution by Marc Allen and although I always believed the more you gave the more you received, I'd never quite done 10% - I always thought I might need it and was scared to give it away. Instead, I'd give time, goods and small amounts, holding back out of fear that I wouldn't have enough to give because I wouldn't make enough to live. But I know that with balance, passion and commitment, you can get what you want if you're open to it. And now I'm open to it and committed to giving 10% of all company revenue to charity. That's the first public change to go into place and one I think I'm most excited about.
There's a way to be fabulous and fancy but at the same time have substance and give back. The two don't compete, they compliment. Work hard and play hard. Balance, balance, balance, right?